True Confessions

I sometimes have entire conversations in my mind in which I replay an argument with someone from my past, except in my mind, I have witty comebacks, and I usually do not end up crying.

I once tried to burn Wayne with a curling iron, and he shoved me under the shower and turned it on to calm me down. I think we had been married about 3 months. Bless his heart, he should have run out the door when he had the chance.

The last time I had a root canal, the dentist had to give me laughing gas I was so anxiety-ridden, and I heard him talking about me while I was “out” .  It made me so mad I tried to bit his finger but I was way too drunk.

Everyday when I drive to work, I cross the same bridge and see the sun rising.  I always think, I’m gonna run to work one day, but I know Wayne will never let me. I think I want to do that just because it would be so cool to say, “Oh, I ran into work today.”

Sometimes in the middle of a sermon, I want to raise my hand and ask a question.

I am so ADD that sometimes when people are talking to me, I totally watch their lips and instead of listening, I am thinking about how much I want a piece of chocolate, how bad my hamstring is hurting, or the conversation I just had with my daughter in which I accused her of not listening to me! 🙂

I should have become a doctor.

I still honestly feel like I am 25, and I forget I am 42, until college kids at work call me “ma’am”. Yesterday, a kid said to me, “My mom’s hair is cut just like yours.” I almost punched her.

I really almost took the half marathon track.

I shoplifted a  tube of lipstick when I was in high school,then felt so guilty, I snuck it back in two days later even though I had used it.

I dropped my newborn baby on the floor of Family Dollar when she was about  5 days old. Everything turned out OK, she’s super smart now.

 

 

Thanks for not judging me. It felt really good to get all that out in the open! Please feel free to open up your own can of worms in the comment section.