This morning on my run I thought about how much I don’t know, how much I used to think I knew and how arrogant I was. I had strong opinions about, well…..everything…..
Back when I knew it all, I said my baby would never sleep in the bed with me, would never suck their thumb and I would never yell…..back when I knew it all.
Back when I knew it all, I had very black and white opinions about lots of things, but mostly my opinions of others and their situations. I could zero in with a laser like precision on where they went wrong, of how they could have done things differently– better, if you will and in turn how much better the outcome would have been.
Back when I knew it all, I wondered why people did things the “hard way” but spent little energy on really understanding why they did what they did. Because there is usually a reason why people do things the way they do.
Back when I knew it all I was a parenting expert, nevermind that I had not birthed my own child or listened to them cry incessantly before putting them in bed with me. I had not actually had a life and death run in with a hormone ridden teenager, but I could tell you exactly how to open an effective dialogue. Yeah, I knew it all.
Back when I knew it all I had definite opinions on why people divorced. It was before me and The Mister had our share of knock down drag outs. I knew how to “fight fair” but that was way before I got so mad I threw shoes and plates at The Mister.
I guess as I have aged, I have realized I don’t really know much at all.
Now that I know very little, I realize that it is God’s grace alone that my kids have made it to adulthood in one piece. I could no more take credit for the good than I want to take blame for where things go wrong. I don’t much about parenting other than love and try to survive.
I don’t know much at all. If you ask me how we have made it this far in our marriage I would just tell you that God is good and The Mister is a patient man. My advice on marriage could fit in a thimble. It’s all God’s grace. All of it.
I don’t know much at all. I have no idea why people do the things they do, but I have learned that when you take the time to get to know them they tell you things about their life that leave you wondering how they have managed to make it this far. I have learned that most parents are just doing the best they can and that most spouses are learning as they go, while holding on for dear life.
I don’t know much at all, but I do know how much more I need God than I thought I did back when I knew it all. I know that the less I know, the easier it is to understand other people. Not having a life plan with immovable options means I enjoy today alot more even if it’s not what I had planned.
So don’t ask me…I don’t know nuthin’ but I know Who does know everything….