My mistake was thinking I could change them.

I’ll admit it. I’m a control freak. And by control freak I mean arrogant enough to think I have the power to change situations or people.  And there in lies a grievous error.  Let me say this to you so that you can learn from my error: You cannot change people especially when they do not see an issue with their actions. And my mistake? Thinking I could change them.

The funny thing about human beings is that inside our complex minds we see things differently. Even family. Even friends. Even friends who seem like family. What is clearly hurtful to you may just be a misunderstanding to another or oversensitivity on your part. And my mistake? Thinking I could change them.

Here, let me talk plainly to you. There are people in your life, right now, who will never change. They do not see an issue with their actions.  They do not see their self absorption. They do not see that there is one thing wrong in how they respond to life…or me. And my mistake? Thinking I could change them.

And so you find, as I have, that we have a choice. Because there is always a choice. I can  stay here in the frustrating spot of demanding, coercing, begging them to change. It will be frustrating at best. I will be disappointed when I see no progress. I will sometimes blame myself. And my mistake? Thinking I could change them

Or instead? I can bless them. I can smile and release them to God’s hands. I can say ” You have a blessed day now”.  I can walk in freedom that it’s not really me after all. I can remove myself from that place of hurt by not walking there again.  Sometimes the secret to releasing control is just to let go.  If your husband never apologizes, stop waiting for one. If your mother-in-law always complains about your cooking, order take out.  If your friend is gets her feelings hurt too easily, stop explaining yourself constantly. Because here is a truth that you can take to the bank  for hard cold cash: You can’t change someone, especially if they do not see an issue with their action. And your mistake? Thinking you could change them.

Walk in freedom my friend.  See them for what they are. A prisoner in the chains of their own making.  Because you love them, or maybe just because you are thrown into life with them, you think that life would be better if you could unlock the chains for them. You are wrong. They do not see themselves as prisoners.  Don’t chain yourself to them in an effort to free them. Walk on in freedom my friend.  Wave at them from the street as they sit in their cell. Call them on occasion. Bring them a gift there in their prison, but don’t you dare think, not for one minute, you can change them.  That is a big mistake.

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1 Comment

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One response to “My mistake was thinking I could change them.

  1. diane

    This is true and good to remember. I’ll visit again. Have a blessed day!

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