We sit and share a dinner of burgers and fries, not on our diet to be sure, but tonight is not about calories and carbs. Tonight is about old friends catching up. It’s about talking about all things girls. It’s about talking kids…old and young and in between.
My friend shares a terrible story of yet another battered marriage. Apparently another shipwrecked marriage. We sit in silence after this. We sip on our Diet Cokes and then she says, ” I don’t know about you, but it scares me. I look at my husband sometimes and think. Could that happen to us? I mean, sometimes I wonder if our marriage is weird because we really, really like each other. I’d rather be with him than anyone, but I’m beginning to think that is the exception, not the rule.”
And I am thinking about the Mister. Twenty-three years now we have been loving each other. Honest to God, no other human on earth do I love more and I’m honest again when I say, there is no other human on earth I like more. We are by no means perfect. Just last week I threw a shoe at him. He looked at me in a room full of people and told me to quit interrupting tohers. There is still plenty of conflict. Sometimes he makes me so mad I have to go take a long jog to work out my anger.
This past year, we went through the most wonderful, difficult seasons ever. We have come through it better friends than when we went started. We really just had each other and that, with God’s help, was more than enough. So here is my marriage advice if you want it. Take what you want, leave what you don’t…..
1. You can be right, or you can be happy…..most things are not worth fighting over. In fact, I can’t think of one solitary thing I want to fight with The Mister over. Most everything boils down to pride. It will kill you, pride will…
2. Love him more than you love your kids…….yeah, you read that right. He will be around when they grow up and leave you and the two of you will make wonderful plans to do all the things you couldn’t do with a house full of kids. Your kids take everything you’ve got emotionally but he is the one person who gives back. You will realize that the best days are really ahead of you….
3. Obey him……Yeah, again, you read that right. Probably the most unpopular thing of all times and ever, but it works…like a charm. Not getting what you want from your man? Show him a little respect and obey him. It is incredible how they can become putty in your hands and I don’t think it’s coincidence the women who laugh at obedience are the same ones who complain….a lot.. about their men…… just sayin’…
4. Keep your perspective…..in my job, I talk to a lot of women who have a husband that beats the devil out of them most nights. Listening to their stories will give you a fresh perspective on your blessed life. Sometimes I come home and look at him and wonder why he is so good to me and I lean over and kiss his head and tell him, ‘You are a really good guy.”
I look across the table at my friend. I smile and agree…”Yes it probably is just you”. After all, in our world, love is scarce, power is king and being right is of utmost importance. If you dare to live counterculture you may just find yourself an oddity, actually. Is it just you or does everyone have a marriage like you do? “It probably is just you”, I tell my friend “what you have is pretty special……”