When we were training for a marathon once, I ran with Leah and her sister Bonnie. We were scheduled to run 14 miles that day. It ended at their friends house but according to our GPS’s we were only 13.90. Bonnie proceeded to run around the back yard until her watch flipped over to 14.00. I did not admire her dedication, I thought she was nuts! I managed to run two marathons and a handful of half’s on “close enough” long runs.
I have always been a flexible kind of person. At least that is how I like to explain this innate ability to cast goals aside if they become to difficult, to overuse the phrase, “close enough” or “that’s OK”. If you are looking for an accountability partner you may want to ask someone besides me. I can literally make up excuses for your failures you have never thought of.
It’s beginning to bother me. I need to incorporate some rigidness in my life. Where can I buy some self control? You people who focus in on a goal how do you do it? Maybe I lost all my discipline in this last whirlwind year where sheer survival was the goal. Maybe I’ve told myself ” Don’t worry about it” so much that I can no longer worry about anything, ever again.
I started the Daniel Fast and completed a mere 48 hours then chunked in when that only thing I could pray about was the days to pass faster and for God to perform a miracle in the coffee and chocolate desires of my heart? I shamefully admitted to my friend, “I am a fasting failure, a Daniel dropout.”
I dropped out of my favorite marathon in November and never looked back. Just like that. The day everyone else ran it I cried. I was sad I did not stick it out.
I fear I have crossed the line of flexibility and fell face first into laziness. Maybe I have finally traded in my running shoes for a pair of SAS walking shoes. Maybe I am destined to a life of “close enough’s” and “don’t worry about it’s” to see me through my lack of grit. I see it becoming a way of life that I don’t like so much any more. I usually like my go with the flow, hold no grudges, take what comes attitude, but maybe it’s time for change. How exactly do I do that after all these years? I learned few year ago to move out of the way of overwhelming stress, but maybe I’ve moved a little too far out of the way. Maybe I’ve sat on the grassy sidelines too long. Maybe I have forgotten how to dig my heels in.
Can anyone spare me some self-discipline? Can anyone tell me where to find some traction? How does one stop spinning their wheels?