Ever notice how clearly the past seems to be when you run it through your mind….again….and again….and again? I am the queen of the perfect come-back….. after the fact. I can clearly see exactly where I missed the cue, misjudged the tone or spoke a half a second too quick once the moment is over.
And so it seems that I can now much more clearly, see the plan as it sits in my rearview mirror. I see the U-turns are actually detours through a landslides, the dead end street were actually the best view for the brilliant sunset. At the time, all I could do was slam my fist on the dash and yell, “You have got to be freaking kidding me!” to anyone who would listen.
It makes perfect sense now. I understand why it seemed I was spinning my wheels. I had not actually been stuck, just learning how to get a grip on slippery surfaces . There was no hidden agenda with the road map. It’s clearly pointing me in the right direction. I just need to trust The Compass a little more and my mad map reading skills a little less.
So, what can I see now that the long ride is almost over and the fog is lifting? What is in my rearview?
A gorgeous season of fall. The autumn leaves float without a care in the world down a winding Putnam County back road. The Mister is in the driver’s seat, I am riding shotgun with the window down and laughing for all I am worth. It’s just the two of us. The girls are driving their own selves down their own roads now and certainly don’t want us in the backseat. I slide over so we can sit close and he puts his arm around me, just like in the old days. I am glad that it was a winding road. I am thankful for the early morning fog for so many days this year I lost count. Not one thing was wasted. Not one wrong turn. We never were lost. I am just now realizing that the brilliant autumn sunrise is what makes me see so clearly what is behind me. Straight ahead, those same rays of light nearly blind me. I squeeze my eyes to a squint and try to make out what is just ahead of me as The Mister navigates us along. I bite my tongue right before I blurt out driving advice. I think I will just sit back and relax. I will let the October sun shine on my closed eyes and enjoy the feeling of morning warmth.
Story of my life….. hindsight is 20/20 and I guess it’s never good to see too far ahead.