Somewhere along the line we believe the lie that we must do everything top-notch, THE BEST, no room for mediocrity, as if our character depends on if we get our bed made every morning.
Then you are thrown into a chaotic season where you become so disoriented at every turn and nothing is the same. It is in those times that you must learn to be kind to yourself. Let me tell you the story of “The Fight on The Back Deck”, or ” The Time The Mister Let Me Have It.”
This season has been tumultuous for our entire family, worsened by the fact that for the longest time I have expected, no demanded, that EVERY. SINGLE. THING remain at the same level of perfection before everything went topsy-turvy, “perfection” being a very relative term.
About three weeks ago, I had an emotional meltdown that involved tears, voices raised just a smidgen, and there may or may not have been some objects thrown around in anger. When the meltdown culminated I sat on the porch swing, waiting for my family to come console me and make pledges to honor my every request. The root of my meltdown centered on me, the one who bears the most burden, the greatest martyr, the only one to have sacrificed.
Instead, the girls went to their rooms, shut the doors, turned up their music and basically ignored the fact that their mother was in an emotional state. The Mister has never been one to coddle me. It takes forever for The Mister to get stirred up, but when he reaches the boiling point, it’s best to be quiet and nod your head in agreement.
There are some things that forever stay between a man and his wife and this conversation is one of those. Let’s just say that he “gently” pointed out that there is no possible way anything could or would be the way it has been.
I must be kind to myself to survive this season. I will lay aside some of my expectations and demands. Laundry on the couch for a week is not a deal breaker. Somedays it’s more important to run than to clean my bathroom, actually that is most days as running helps my sanity and cleaning is well, optional. There is nothing at all wrong with telling someone “no” even though I really want to say “yes”. Sleep is a premium commodity that I cannot go without. People that do not approve or understand me in this season are not really worth worrying about and people who do care, don’t judge. I can’t do and be everything I could when life was simple and that is a good thing, because I am more than what I can accomplish. The greatest treasure is loving and being loved and that is not something you learn by folding towels and cleaning the fan blades. My family could less if they have to eat off paper plates and God is teaching me to enjoy being with Him instead of doing for Him.
I am so thankful for this season. I am learning to be kind to myself. I am learning that God has planned a season to show me what is really the most important parts and how they all work together for my good.
Be kind to yourself. Cut yourself a little slack. The time will come when you can do more, but today is the time to become more. Be gentle with your assessment of your own progress. Let your inner voice be encouraging and listen close, because those words of love may actually be from The Father Himself to your heart.