Never say never

I’ve said it….you have too.

“I’ll never……..”

And so with two small words set a declaration, a judgement on what we feel is the standard by which we judge ourselves and others.

Lately God has ever gently been teaching me that He’s in charge not me. He has shown me that my preconceived  ideas of rightness, and wrongness are my ideas, not necessarily His.  In love, He has shown me that my blatant words actually are a thin disguise for judgemental attitudes I have on  people or circumstances that don’t quite meet my self-righteous standard.

I am learning that when I say “never” it’s not so much about me, but rather you, and how I don’t want to be like you, for whatever reason. Sad huh? And in my struggle to show myself righteous, and somehow better, I set boundaries that I find myself recently stumbling over, lines that now blur.  I glance around, hoping no one remembers my outburst of not so long ago that “I will never…..”

Surprisingly, I am finding that what I thought I would never do, is actually exactly what He would see is best for me. In the midst of doing what it is I think I am too spiritual, too smart, too good to do I find, oddly, a sense of peace.

I am learning the value of grace. How to extend it to others, and myself. I am learning the art of saying nothing. I am learning that as I am slow to judge and quick to love, I have less to regret saying and more chances to enjoy the beauty of grace. 

Living on the other side of “I’ll never…..” is actually one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done.

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