Tonight I am 43. I am blessed, very loved, a rich woman indeed.
If I die tonight after only enjoying a few hours in this new year, I have no reason to complain. My life is so full I cannot imagine what else God has to show me.
I’ve know what it means to be loved by my soul mate, one who loves me more than himself, and what it means to work through the days when we could hardly stand each other. Even this weekend, my greatest joy was seeing him at the end of 26.2 miles. First time he has seen me finish a race. His approval of me means so much, little matter if it’s a banana pudding or a marathon, I need him of all people to tell me I did good. He matters that much.
I know what it means to love two girls more than myself. I understand the feeling of literally giving your right arm, or jumping in front of a train for another. I know the inexplicable joy of new life, and the heartbreak of a mother when you see them experience life at its ugliest, knowing only God can do some things. Yes motherhood is the greatest gift Wayne has ever given me. Our greatest joys, our girls.
I know the contentment of simple living, and the joy of giving yourself away for something greater than yourself.
I know what it means to worship with brothers and sisters on the other side of world, sharing the same love and same song for One Father.
I know what it means to be deeply disappointed, and what it means to be granted forgiveness by another, when I least deserved it.
I know what it means to hear God speak in a still quiet voice, and the shout of the Spirit so deep in my bones, I felt my skin tingle.
I know the satisfaction of looking back over the years, and the excitement of looking forward to the future, praying I am always ready for more.
I know what it means to be loved by friends who love me like family, maybe more. I know what it means to love someone enough not to sleep, or eat because they have needs that I am bringing to the Father.
I know what it means to have dry spells where God seems silent, and what it means to feel the rain of grace in my soul.
43. I am probably over half way in this journey of life with some regrets, but more blessings than I can comprehend. God grant it that the ones that remain overshadow what has already passed.