Ending to begin….again

I have never been good at endings.  Take a look in my knitting basket and you will see about five different projects….none of them anywhere close to the ending.  When I was in high school, we moved away from the place where I spent my childhood and it was absolutely devastating to me. I could not bring myself to say goodbye to my friends, and so I didn’t. I just left. It was far too painful for me.

Over the years, I have not improved my “ending” skills. I most often try to walk away, disappear, fade out. This stands in stark contrast to my personality which is more of a in-your-face-I’m-gonna-be-your-friend-whether-you-like-it-or-not persona.

So how do you become a good “ender” ? The fat lady has sung (if I can use that terribly inappropriate phrase), Elvis has left the building, the lights are out.  But here I sit,refusing to be through, or you will find I left hours earlier, to avoid last minute hugs and tears. How do I learn to gracefully end anything?

The answer lies in my view of ending.  For most of us, me anyways, e associated with sadness, with finality.  In our aversion to pain, we fail to allow ourselves the joy of closure. A moment to drink in the beauty of what was.  Feeling the sadness of ending is  necessary to appreciate the joy and wonder of beginning.

The beauty of ending is beginning. Every project I bind off leaves needles open for new vibrant colors to weave.  Graduations bring new horizons.  Moving away and saying goodbye cleans up the spaces in your heart for even more capacity to know love.  even death, the ultimate ending is a jumping off point for the greatest reality ever…Him.

So I try harder to end well. I push myself through the pain, appreciating the tears stinging my eyes. I will not avoid or ignore my endings. For I am learning that ending well and feeling loss opens my pathway to greater joy in my new beginning… which lies directly beneath every ending.

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