In the In between

I am drawn toward consciousness. I lay very still, eye closed, but not too tightly. Still breathing the deep breaths of sleep, I exist in the in between world of night.  Not quite sure what has drawn me to the surface I wait, hoping to slip back into the deep night.

My first thought of consciousness is the soft rhythmic snore of Wayne. I lay my cheek against his back and feel, rather than hear, the rumble of his sleep and hope that it carries me back. A soft steady pattern that gives me comfort. I feel secure and safe in this moment. I lay a hand across his broad shoulder in the twilight. Not willing to break the spell of sleep, I fight the urge to look for the bright blue blink of my alarm clock. What does it matter the time? I am beginning to wake.

My mind drifts in and out of fog and I think about this man next to me.   I pray for him.  “Is that it God?  Did you nudge me awake to talk?” ,and so without opening an eye or forming a word in my lips, I pray a blessing over this man I love.  I pray for strength, wisdom, peace, protection. He carries heavy burdens these days. I am blessed to belong to him.

Not quite to the surface of the morning,  I drift back out to the gray world of sleepiness and begin to take mental inventory of my aches and pains. Satisfied that the aches of my race have finally  gone, I roll over to my right side, away from the snoring, and immediately my right hip reminds me that I just ran a long race on Sunday.  It will not forgive me for  while longer.

My mind sees my baby. I hold her close to me although she sleeps across the house. As I mentally fold her into my arms I smell her sweet head.  It reminds me of gardenia with its sweetness and I pray. Today God tells me to whisper prayers of peace and hopefulness over her.  So I do.  Fill her with hope and peace.

I lay still now. My body is heavy with sleep, my mind drifting in and out. Ginger sighs next to me and I lay a hand on her as well. God has not nudged me, but I will ask Him to grant her happiness. He will. God loves dogs, this I know.

The heater switches on and I know that it must be cold out this morning.  The window at the foot of the bed is cracked and my nose can sense the smell and coolness of early morning.  Then I see my big girl, God has not forgotten her. He whispers to me to pray for her as well and so in my sleepy dream state, I run my fingers through her red hair, and embrace her. She folds her shoulders into me and I scratch her back, just the way she loves for me to.  I remind God this cold fall morning that she needs protection. He tells me he has never taken his hands and eyes off her. I tell him many things, some are to be kept secret between the two of us.

I roll to my back and stretch. The head to toe stretch that will bring me fully out of the in between and into this Wednesday morning. Somehow in the night Willow found her way to Wayne’s feet and she senses my wakefulness. There will be no in between now. I am awake fully. Willow sees to that. So we  head to the kitchen and start the coffee and I think I could have slept another thirty minutes or so.

God, are you that tender with everyone? Do you whisper in the early morning hours to all your children? I like to think that I, like Apostle John, am the disciple that Christ loves.

In the in between…..that is where God whispers.


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